No one's perfect. Not Barack Obama, not Michelle Obama, not Hulk Hogan, Martin Luther King Jr, Micheal Eric Dyson, and damn sure not Dr. Hak. But that doesn't mean we don't have things we can learn from these imperfect individuals. So, prepare to listen... or be mad if you are into yourself like that.
Nothing on this list may apply to you at all. In that case, congratulations, you're a FANTASTIC CATCH, along the lines of a "First Round Draft Pick" or 5-Star Chick, and it's just a matter of time before Mr. Wonderful pops the question.
Also, nothing on this list is permanent. These are all things that you can work to improve...if you REALLY want to win. Let's win, shall we? Hey in fact, if you want to write a list of reasons we strong black men can't find a good woman... oh wait, the Nightline numbers are in our favor... it's Raining DIMES!!! We can take our pick of whoever we want!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
LOL & SMH @ Dr Hak. I'm sorry, I was just having some fun there... That's not exactly true. The "It's Hard Out Here for a Good Black Man Too" blog isn't ready yet. Or necessary. Too many seemingly acceptable chicks is crazy - there you go. Blog over.
Ladies,
The following is a list of reasons you might be single. And by single, I mean unmarried and also not in a relationship you are happy with. If you have a man and hate him/aren't feeling him, you're probably doing "single girl" stuff, so we're counting you too. It is not meant to be comprehensive list, and I'll add to these 40 later.
One More Thing - I ONLY wrote this list because I'm trying to help, Real Talk. Help me help you!
On to the list...
1. You are not a nice person
2. You refuse to accept responsibility for your actions
3. You're visually unattractive (sloppy and/or visually challenged) and refuse to do anything about it.
4. You don't know how to smile
5. You treat men like they're bothering you
6. You make men jump through hoops just to get the time of day
7. You use men for what they do for you, far after you decide they aren't what you want
8. You stick around with the wrong guy until you find someone else (upgrading not allowed)
9. You's a bitch (for NO reason)
10. You're a jerk (different from the above, but often confused)
11. You refuse to do things for men
12. You're selfish
13. You don't smell good
14. Your hygiene is bad
15. You refuse to work out
16. You want some man to take you for who you are, but you have a list of shit he'd have to change
17. You don't understand the concept of sacrifice
18. You have a "list"
19. You are a coward and don't keep it real
20. You are a liar and or a hoe
21. You don't have any female friends, hobbies or goals other than getting into a "committed relationship"
22. You give it up too quickly
22b. You are a dicktease and pretend you're going to give it up when you know you're not
23. You make dumb ass decisions early on in a "relationship"
24. You expect a fuckbuddy / friends-with-benefits situation to turn into a full blown relationship
25. You refuse to date men who aren't "fine"
26. You go after only men who make more money than you
27. You don't understand men and don't care to
28. You think a man is supposed to go out of his way for you but you wouldn't give him a drink of water if he was thirsty while repairing your roof.
29. You need to go to therapy to sort out your daddy issues/various baggage
30. You think its OK to spend every day with your man
31. You're on some hater shit
32. You're a groupie
33. You use guilt trips instead of direct communication
34. You're mean
35. You're not actually trying
36. You're too busy trying to out-man a man
37. You treat men like accessories
38. You "compete" with guys
39. You have underdeveloped swag
40. You're not feminine
Let's discuss selected items from the above list.
#3 - I am not suggesting you go get plastic surgery or liposuction. As a matter of fact, unless you used to weigh 200 lbs more than you currently do and need to remove some skin, that's pretty whack. I'm talking about things like - working out, dressing right, finding a hairstyle that works for you, not overdoing your make-up, wearing flattering clothing, etc.
(Your teeth? - If braces or InvisAlign will benefit you, suck your pride up and call your dentist. Like now.)
How will you know if your changes are effective? Compliments. Men are full of shit in the sense that we'll pretty much tell you whatever it takes to GET THE DRAWS, but compliments on certain things, especially from random people, coworkers, and male "platonic" friends, will let you know what you are doing right.
For example - if a man can only cite your shape and your eyes as things he thinks look good about you - you got work to do... or he's some random dude just trying to smash.
Why did I pick #3 to discuss first? Because men are VISUAL beings. You've heard this before. I don't know why you won't like... try. What's with the pride? You want a man or not? Help me help you!
Do you know how many models are butt ass ugly when they take off all their make up? TONS OF THEM. I was surprised when I found this out. But if you can do things to step it up without making it TOO obvious --- do it. Please.
ALSO - if you have a man, or have a man you're thinking about getting at and you know or "overhear" or "ask" him what kind of things he likes to see - make that shit happen. Don't be stingy and make him have to wait to see you in his favorite type of lingerie if he's your man. Like me, I enjoy cornrows. I don't know why. I just do. If I tell you that, and we're dating, and you're in a position to do so, I'd like it to happen 1 or 2 months out of the year. If you can't because of work or whatever, fine, but when we go on vacation together...
As far as the term "sloppy" goes, that can be in general or in the details. If your accessory game ain't tight, go shopping or just stop wearing them altogether. If you have on tight jeans, there's not supposed to be granny panties OR crack peeking out the top. No panty lines, please. Match. Underwear too. All wives are trophy wives. Let that sink in for a minute...
#13 You don't smell good - similar to the first one, but much easier to cure. Take daily showers, and if you're going out later tonight, take a shower before you leave the house. Use proper deodorant. If it's GONE by the time you get off work, buy something stronger.
Now, me personally, I have a ridiculously strong sense of smell. I can smell the rain hours before its even cloudy. Don't ask me how. But that makes this really important to me. There are 2 fragrances, Light Blue (Dolce and Gabana right?) and Pink Sugar (Sephora) that completely disrupt my ability to think logically. It's fucking crazy. Thankfully, I've yet to come across a young lady wearing cornrows with one of these scents going at the same time. That'd be a "situation". *Shivering*
#31 You're on some hater shit - Excuse my language. This one could and should probably be its own blog, so perhaps I won't do too much in this spot, BUT... It is absolutely ridiculous for a woman who is interested in a man (or MEN in general) to hate on the accomplishments of said man/men.
FOR EXAMPLE, sometimes when I go out I get bored. To entertain myself, I like to play this game with one of my boys where I tell women he was in a magazine. The fact that he's now been in magazines only makes it funnier. Its kind of a social experiment more than anything else. You'd be surprised at the quick change in "attention span". It's actually a little disgusting. *Spit*
So anyway, he never sees it coming. I'm the one talking noise. Well one day, we're all out minding our business, and my boy, he's a "lawyer" and another dude of mine are out enjoying the NBA playoffs. We see some girls I know, both also lawyers, and one expresses that her friend has interest in him. Actually, she asked me and the 3rd guy about lawyer guy for her friend via text all night after we left. Well the questions were kinda dumb, and as a man, if you want to know whats up with my boy who was just standing there - just ask him. So she was told to have her girl call him if she was interested.
Silence...
So the next day I see her on facebook chat, and she's going on and on about how unattractive it is that he talks about himself like that and how "we women in the legal field aren't impressed by accomplishments in law". What the fuck???
I spent the next 5 minutes lambasting her stupidity (you don't attack friends of Dr Hak. That's a baaaaaad look) and correcting her lack of facts.
First of all he never said anything about himself, that was me messing around.
2nd of all, why are you hating on his accomplishments.
What have you done?
Why is that necessary?
You and your girl need to get your minds right, etc etc.
She told me it wasn't like that, and then admitted that it wasn't her girl who was interested in magazine lawyer boy, it was HER(!?!?) I thought that type of stuff stopped in high school. How old are you?She's 29. Pause.
This girl gets shot down by dudes all the time, and simultaneously will ask for a hook up then not say a single word when the dude she claims to be interested in shows up at the party. I've offered my assistance for a small fee. I might just do it for free, but she apparently likes being the desperate girl in the room, or likes to complain, because she's loathe to seek out the help she so desperately needs. Its sad... so sad. I mean yeah she's a 5 or a 6, but with some development, some man will see her as an 8. And 8 is enough. Oh you don't like the fact that we put women on grading scales? Tough. It happens. Find out what you are.
Anyway, what's with the hating on the guy who didn't want to hollar at you. Not only that, he just met you. Do you expect men to fall madly in love with you when you first meet them and then if they don't - you hate on them? He didn't even reject her, he was more or less unaware of all of this. WHO DOES THAT?! I can't stop laughing. I have more stories from the vault on that situation but... I'll save them for future comic relief.
#30 You Think It's OK to spend EVERY DAY with your man - You're probably crazy. Please refer to #29.
So Dr Hak....whats my number???
ReplyDelete