Tis the Season for Dating Websites

I've written in the past about my experiences signing up for eharmony.com, match.com, weloveyoudrhak.com, smashachicktonight.com or whatever, but I felt it was a good time to bring it back up since Valentine's Day is on the 10-day countdown now.

Many of you will enjoy February 14th immensely. A few of you will enjoy it just fine, right up until tip-off of the NBA All-Star game. If you're in a sticky date-or-the-game-??? situation on Sunday night, don't worry Dr Hak already took care of that for you with this previous blog entry. You're welcome.

I must admit, Valentine's Day is one of my 3 or 4 favorite days of the year. (July 4th, Cinco De Mayo, Atlanta Classic Day - last Saturday in September, College Football Championship Saturday - the first one in December)

Partially because it's a perfect momentum builder for my birthday on the 24th. Partially because I like to cake and be caked (don't act like you don't)...let me add "by/for a deserving woman"... Partially because it's a weeeeee bit satisfying to see that chick you don't like desperately grasp at straws to avoid not having a date again this year, when she could just get hypnotized and drop the bad attitude and it'd be all good.

There was even this one year in high school where I bought a couple carnations, put them in warm water, and woke up with 50! Well that meant every gal who wanted one got one the next day. My boy even told me at one point he was walking through the hallways trying to figure out where all these flowers were coming from. Safeway, son. $4.

Back to the future...


Some of you will not even sniff the possibility of being a Valentine this year. Some of you dudes are no-Valentine-having-can't-get-a-date-for-shit-ass-bitches. (Inside joke.) Some of you ladies will turn on your inner defense mechanism and say dumb shit out your mouth like "I don't want a Valentine" (...please.) Many people will lie to themselves and the world about how much they enjoy being single. A lot of Andre 3000 will be played on iPods. It's all good. I'm not here to judge you.

As a matter of fact, I know how hard it is to "meet" people these days. Even with all the single folks in major cities, some days it seems impossible to find someone who you are attracted to, and is simultaneously not crazy, unattached, smells good, and "is on your level" who in 3 months doesn't turn out to be a loser/asshole/Chris Brown/slut/Lewinsky/wanna-be-rapper 40 year old/Nightline chick.

These days, there are ways to expand your dating pool. You can go to a speed dating event - which I've never actually been to. ( Anyone have an experience with that they'd like to share with the class? Please do so in the comments. ) You can use the services of a matchmaker. You can ask friends for the hookup. You can go to a bar and pretend you don't know where your friends are and need a ride home.

Or you can join the internet dating community.

I could write a 10-item list of things you should keep in mind if you're thinking about giving it a shot. But I'll leave you with ONE. The REAL TALK...

Let's say its a Tuesday, and Valentine's Day is coming up. You see an ad for match.com online and figure if you get started now, you could have a 2nd date on Sunday or Saturday night and you'd be covered against receiving the scarlett X on your forehead for being all alone.

So you sign up. You fill out all the info. You post pictures of you and your dog, and then you start looking through potential matches. After about 15 or so, you see a nice looking guy/gal, and you dig deeper. Their profile is lame. They have no hobbies or interests. But you thought they were cute. So you're disappointed, but move on. 5 minutes later you see someone just as attractive, and their profile seems like a perfect match. Same level of education. They like to travel, drink wine, write poetry in the sand on the beach. All that mumbo jumbo. Is this possible? Could this be *gasp* THE ONE!??!

Cynically, I'm inclined to just say "NO", but there are internet success stories, therefore, we must have a Real Talk session.


INSERT REAL TALK FROM DR HAK HERE

At this point, you're excited. (For those of you who haven't done the online thing, this excitement feels similar to the excitement you get when someone tells you about a friend they want to hook you up with that SOUNDS great, or the "he was nice" feeling after some guy buys you a drink, talks to you for just long enough to make one good joke and exchange names, then has to get back to the birthday party he came with.)

Just keep one thing in mind...


1) There is a reason they are on this dating site.


Let that sink in for a second. I'll wait...







OK, I'll say it again.



1) There is a REASON they are on this dating site.



What are you trying to say Dr. Hak?

First of all, by "reason", I do not mean "here to find someone". No, I am speaking of cause-and-effect. As in "why is this perfectly attractive, seemingly articulate person who loves all the same movies I love on the internet looking for dates"?

There are good reasons and bad reasons for people to try internet dating.

If you are planning to give it a shot, and if you go through with actually contacting people via email or phone, you owe it to yourself to find out what the reason is BEFORE thinking something is going to pop off. This also means you will need to temper your excitement until you find out.

REAL TALK POINT #2 - I am not talking about the reason they GIVE you if you were to ask them directly, (though for some overtalkative people that might actually work) I'm talking about the reason that takes a little more observation and digging to find out.

For example

Q: So, what's a fantastic woman like yourself doing on drhakistoomuchmanforme.com?
A: Well, I haven't really found the one yet.

Flag!

What does that shit mean? That's a given. If you have to start asking multiple questions to get basic info, that means someone is hiding something.

Something like - I have 4 kids and 4 baby daddies. I'm dramatic. I'm psycho. I'm 400 pounds and that picture I have up is really my cousin... You know, basic stuff.

A GOOD reason that you can relax a little bit with would include
1. I moved here less than 6 months ago
2. I just got out of a long term relationship (not a "GOOD" reason per se, but one that keeps them from being immediately labeled "crazy". Unless the breakup was because they are crazy)
3. My friend - someone they actually know - met someone on here and got married
4. I have a job that demands I work from 7am to 2am. (this one is a bit of a stretch, but like #2 can be ok)
5. I'm unattractive visually but have a good personality
6. Live in a city where people I want to date are scarce, i.e. want to date Black Men and live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

If you can think of any other "good" reasons, put it in the comments.

Why did I feel it necessary to discount "I just haven't found anyone yet" as a good reason? While it may be and is true for a lot of people, those same people, if attractive to - you are attractive to other members of your gender as well. (See: Dr Hak's Theory of Relativity)

Said better - ain't no damn DIMES on match.com playboy. She may be a visual 10, but something is wrong. Because if a woman is THAT fine, you know she gets 15 offers a day for dates, cars, clothes, anything she wants. Even NON-fine women get these offers on a daily basis. (Are you a woman who is not getting hollared at regularly? Sign up for Dr Hak's Consulting Service, and get the swag you need to succeed!!!)

So just think about it. There is a sliver of hope, that you, being a normal(ish), sane human being and just wanting to give yourself some more opportunities will find someone doing the same. But umm... odds are you won't find them on match. Hell you might as well try myspace. At least its free.