Prepare to Lose Some Friends

Most of the readers of this blog are nearing the age of 30. For many people... well, for me, 30 has always been a really vague, really abstract concept. I'm still in denial that its coming in 22 days for me. In denial, but acutely aware (WTF?!).

And as I approach 30, I've started to become more comfortable with a few things in my life. And as I've become more comfortable with these things, I've done some reflecting, and I've decided - is time to lose some friends.

"Well Dr Hak, where the hell did THAT come from?"

I'll tell you. I'm aware of the part of my reputation where people think I say crazy stuff without regard to etiquette and context.

This is not true - AT ALL - I respect rules and political situations when it comes to what I say and write... and it kind of bothered me when people would look at me as if I were some wild ass maverick with no self control, because PLEASE BELIEVE, I exercise a TON of self-control. And I do so, because I genuinely don't want to offend people. Offending your sensibilities with my REAL TALK - that's OK. American ideals and sensibilities need to get tossed around. But offending you at your core - your values and beliefs - I'd prefer not to do that. Because then we wouldn't be friends.

Well you know what - I don't fucking care anymore.

I'm 30 dammit... well, almost 30. I don't need any additional friends. At least not ones I have to muzzle myself for.

Therefore, I've decided to channel the man I was ALMOST named after - South African writer Steve Biko, and inform you that "I Write What I Like".
Sure, Biko was speaking of oppression and restriction of free speech, but I'm speaking of a more personal, internal level of oppression - the worry that you won't like me.

That seemed to be a big deal in my 20s. Not so anymore.

In the words of Coach Dennish Green "they are who we thought they were...and we let them off the hook"

What's the lesson in all of this. #1 - don't blog at 3:45 in the morning. You're not coherent, even if you think you are and you can't spell either.

#2 - Stop worrying about what people think and live your damn life. It's much more fun.

I'm not going to worry about who does't like what I have to say in this blog. I'm going to discuss whatever topic I choose. And I'm not going to worry about readers who don't like what they see, or people who just can't handle the truth. I was put on this Earth to keep it real with people and dammit, that means you're getting some Real Talk. Enjoy responsibly.

And when you decide to go after whatever it is you are supposed to be going after in life (here's a hint - you know what it is) you'll enjoy the benefits of feeling a slight bit more free than the second before you made that decision. And you will also lose some friends.

Or should I say..."friends". Many of us have too many hangers-on. Look at your friendships and relationships. Who is there for you? Who is trying to boink your man/woman on the low? Who is willing to be honest with you at the risk of pissing you off temporarily?

It's time to decide who you and who you are going to be. And that involves looking at your "birds of the same feather" you flock together with. I will never forget my one ex who assumed I was a dickhead because my homeboy who she met me through is a dickhead. I couldn't say I was surprised, I had just never heard it before so clearly.

You probably have some dickheads you need distance from.

When you start getting what you really want in life, and noticing the changes in your friendships, I suspect you'll find out who hates on you secretly, and who really loves you.

You might even find someone who is always there for you to make sure you have some Real Talk in your life.

Imagine that.