Honesty Is Overrated

So one of the issues that I am unsurfacing in the dating/relationship game today, is the problem of HONESTY.

Allegedly, honesty is the best policy.

Honesty, by definition, is a virtuous thing that involves integrity and straightforwardness.

But there is one HUGE HUGE problem with using honesty as a basis for evaluating whether or not you are going to date someone... two actually.

1. You don't know her/him like that. They may be being honest with you. They may also be providing you with factually accurate information in an attempt to conceal other factual information that if you knew it, would really really piss you off.

2. You find this person's honesty to be attractive SOLELY because you have met/dated a lot of dishonest skanks/chumps in the past. Thus, the honesty of this new person seems refreshing and delightful, when in fact --- this new guy/gal is just a MASTER OF REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.


I have a friend who is very upset at me, because I don't support her decision to date a married man and told her she was probably going to get hurt, especially since his wife who left him and moved states a year ago just moved back into the house with his daughter and she had only been dating him for less than two months.

I have an entire other blog dedicated to the whackness of misinterpreting "disagree with your decision. I'm worried about you" to mean "lack of support for me as a human being", so I won't get into too many details there.

But the relevance for this is, she basically gave this ninja a bunch of bonus points because he told her everything upfront, including his wife moving back and, and then assured her he was into her and she wouldn't get hurt. When I told her that was a crock of shit, and that the wife moving in = RECONCILIATION, she told me that her friends who have met him (I haven't) have all talked about how they can tell he cares about her so much and he'd never hurt her.

OK, what's the name of this blog? Its REAL TALK. What do your friends do when they met your newest flame? They say nice things. How many of your friends are willing to ask critical questions at the risk of upsetting you? I'm guessing its less than 1 out of 5. As long as that person has shown u in the past they have your back and aren't a jealous hater, you need to thank them for that.

I tried to break it down to her. Your friends met this guy at a club (since he's a 45 year old club promoter), where its loud. Their interactions with him were limited and brief. How the fuck do they know how much he cares about you from that? Be real. They might be able to tell he's attracted to or fond of you, but that's as far as it goes.

Every person who you (the reader) has ever been emotionally hurt by? - They were probably fond of you too. They may even have loved you. But they still dropped you when it came down to it for one reason or another, and you've dropped others similarly.

So that's irrelevant.

But in listening to her talk about him, she kept going back to the same thing... "he told me about his situation and I chose to be involved with him"

Why?

Why would you do that to yourself?

There are other situations, the guy who doesn't date women with kids but will because she told him upfront (and she was fine). The girl who meets some deep brother who believes the Black Man is God and he should have multiple women and wives and that's what he's about - then lets him fuck RAW even though she knows he's dealing with other women... because he told her upfront that's what he's about. The girl who will still try to sleep with a guy with a girlfriend because he told her he has one (and its a challenge getting him to want her more than his girl. Get a hint ladies - it DOESNT work that way. You're just getting smashed. If he was really going to leave his woman, he'dve already done it by now.)

It happens far more than you might think.

The moral of the story is this. Do not be so impressed with someone's honesty about the extenuating circumstances that dating them would involve, that you fail to actually think about whether or not those are circumstances you DESERVE to have to deal with.

You're a Sunday School teacher who loves God, and you really think the man God is going to send to you to make you happy is another woman's husband? Come on son. It doesn't work that way.

You think because she's being honest with you on dates number one and two that its going to continue? Come on Son. There are limits. She's trying to see what she can get away with before she sees what she's going to get out of you and your wallet.

I could go on and on but I won't.

Just keep it in mind. All because they told you upfront, doesn't mean you still should deal with them... even if he/she's cute.

Dr Hak Out