He Should Feel Like Its His Idea

Occasionally, I get questions from the ladies about asking guys out, approaching men, proposing to men and the sort.

If you seek out information on these attempts to gain a man's favor, you'll find a range of options on whether or not they are good ideas.

I don't care to belabor those points, I'm here to tell you that when it comes to men, and making big decisions like proposing to you, or small ones like asking you out - its a really really REALLY good idea that he thinks it was something he wanted to do and therefore did it.

So what do you do when you see a guy you want to approach you? You use your powers of INFLUENCE.

If you're at a bar, or a club, and you want him to speak to you, you SMILE at him. I didn't say wave him over. If it's a little crowded and you're not sure you are going to be able to make any eye contact, go bump his ass. Move your circle of girls (hopefully not a wolfpack of 8) towards him and his crew and put yourself in a better position to make it happen.


As for the bigger things, getting a guy to ask you out who you actually speak to from time to time involves letting him know that if he were to ask you out, you wouldn't reject him. If he's thinking about it, but isn't a very aggressive guy or not sure what you'll say (or there are impediments such as you work together), he might hint at things without wanting to put himself all the way out there. If he doesn't, and he never flirts with you, then chances are he's not really trying to get at you.

The main reason you don't approach men, ask men out, propose to men, etc... is that you need to be sure he actually likes you. Unless you don't care about things like that.

Unless you actually want to force a man to marry you before he's ready, so then he resents you all because you had some specific age, date, time and place that you were going to get married and he was the guy you'd been dating for the past 2 years when the clock expired. Boo hiss.

Men don't look at marriage as some ala carte, find a good one and make it happen situation. Not in 2010 at least. We are looking for something special, comfortable, easy and long-lasting.

There does come a time where you, in a relationship with a man, can say that you have expectations about the direction of the relationship and a general timeframe or whatever. Like, twice. Not twice a week or twice a day. Twice ever. He heard you. If you really think your boyfriend isn't ever going to marry you, you might have to leave his ass. Otherwise, don't beat him over the head with the concept. Then he'll just resist because you're being pressed - he might not really be opposed to the idea, just wondering why it's SOOOOOOOOO important to you. And before you leave a comment telling me why its so important to you, guess what - it doesn't matter to him. Its his decision to propose, and he has to feel comfortable with it.

Marriage has higher stakes for men than women. Oh you don't believe me? I've got one word for you...

"Half"

Don't pretend like you don't know what that refers to. When a couple gets divorced, who has to give up "half", pay child support, and likely doesn't get custody but instead occasional visitation?

The man does. So don't act like its a simple decision for him. He wants to know that you aren't the type to put him through all that extra stuff, and that you are really a good fit to stay married. It takes time. Yeah, probably longer than you want it to take. But not always. You are allowed to ask your engaged and married homegirls for their advice. That's better than asking your single friends you club with who can't keep a man. Just saying.

OK, I hope I've allowed you to learn something about the psychology of a man.
To summarize - we don't like to be forced into decisions or backed into a corner - we like to feel like we "got" a good catch, so even if you really got him, at least let him think he had something to do with the getting... I think that's it for today.

Peace!