It's Not Supposed To Be Hard

You know when you first meet a guy/gal, and you think they're cute, and they are cool to talk to, but there's just a lot of extra stuff going on? Like drama? Like, they're married or have 3 baby mommas or slack jaw? And then everything is complicated and you're "dealing" with stuff and you just met them a few months ago but you stick it out because you like them?

Well GUESS WHAT... it's not supposed to be like that.

At all.

Ever.

And definitely not in the first 3 months.


If you meet a chick and she's drama within 90 days of meeting you, you shouldn't expect the drama to go away. That woman needs therapy dude. Not the Robin Thicke type either.


If you're "dating" a man who's in the process of getting a divorce, and he has all sorts of insecurity, issues, baggage and drama, you probably shouldn't expect that to magically go away once the divorced is finalized three years from now. Plus, how do you know he's not going to want to exercise his new found singleness for a bit.

If you're dating a young lady, and she WILDING OUT on a regular basis, then you find out you have a mutual friend of one of her ex's and the ex sends you a note saying he's praying for you to have strength... ... ... do I even have to explain what you need to do next??

If you're dealing with someone with substance abuse problems, new young children, mental health issues, or other problems - expecting those issues to go away or change, or that you can actually have some sort of effect or "help" them is a recipe for absolute, total and unconditional disaster.


Listen to Dr Hak for once...

It is not supposed to be THAT hard. Not off top. Every relationship requires work. But drama is for the movies.
"Work" is stuff like learning their likes, dislikes and quirks, and working out your schedules and communication styles.
"Drama" is getting calls, voicemails, emails and facebook interactions from ex's, finding out you're not the only one he's/she's having sex with (and raw at that), ...wait a minute, why am I explaining this. YOU KNOW WHAT DRAMA IS!!!


Let's take another angle for a second.

If within the first 6 months, you find yourself saying one of the following:

"well no one is in our relationship but us, so no one else understands"

OR

"i know I just met him but this is how i FEEL"

OR

"i'm hoping for the best"

OR

"s/he just needs my help and I'm trying to be there for her/him"


... you might be adding/allowing a degree of difficulty that isn't supposed to be there.


"No one understands" is probably the most defensive, dumbest shit you can say to a friend who is trying to find out what you got going on. That's one of those things you throw out there to let people know not to ask you - and people typically only do that when they know that whatever questions they would get asked are things they don't really want to answer/admit to.

At the end of the day, you can't just date someone because you think they're cute or you like them. You can get that anywhere. You're supposed to be trying to find someone special, someone you can build a real bond and future with. Not someone who baby mama drama, problems, issues, and other things that you yourself don't bring to the table.


There are lots of fish in the sea. Always has been. Always will be. There is not a shortage of good men of any race.

There are people out there that you DON'T have to go through a trial by fire with right after meeting them just to get to some happy place that may or may not exist.


Look, I know being lonely sucks, and yeah it might take a while to find the right one, but really - just wait your turn. Spend some time improving you. We all need self improvement. Work on you for a while. Hang out with your friends you tend to ignore when you're all up under somebody.

Why risk unwanted pregnancy, emotional baggage, financial repercussions, and not being available when you find The One over some fleeting, temporary situation? ... and you know damn well that if you are dealing in anything remotely similar to the above situations WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST MET, that you aren't going to marry that fool. Come on son. Keep it real with yourself, for yourself. Life is too short.