Critically Acclaimed

My last post on Real Talk is, by far, the most critically acclaimed yet.

And by critically acclaimed, I mean two things. 1) people gave real props for the truth and 2) haters really tried to come at me.

It's like politics. When Obama is preparing to do something of consequence, the haters start fistfights at town hall meetings (over health care? really? what's there to fight about with that?).

I'd like to thank everyone who provided comments (in real life or online) and criticisms...and even hate hate hate.

I just wrote this entry here not to boast, but to give thanks to the people and as a space to get a few things straight

1) If you don't like what I have to say, the most likely reason is that it is because I struck a chord and you actually realize what I say applies DIRECTLY to you and you don't like it. Let's be real here, if I don't call you out by name or description, but my words piss you off (this happens) you must have heard something you don't want to hear. All because you don't like it doesn't mean its wrong. It's sad if you decide to discard good information - no matter the source - because you don't LIKE it.

Alternative versions of this point would be: I wrote something you have been told to your face before - it made you mad then and it made you mad now; I wrote something you don't understand - if that's the case, ask for clarification

2) Don't be passive aggressive with your comments. Yes, if you think I'm talking about you I 100% am. The next person to do this is getting called out by name.

3) I love women. The reason I write about, and to, women more than men is because women have so much more power in every romantic situation than they realize, and as the gender that's ALLEGEDLY more intelligent, it confuses me to see said intelligence superiority sacrificed in the name of trying to get a dude (who usually isn't shit anyway). I could write to dudes, but I already know how that would go. Men listen to older men they trust and their own experiences. That's about it.

4) If you think I'm wrong about something, don't be a lil ole bitch about it, speak up. Real Talk. I can be corrected with evidence... Please note I said EVIDENCE, not your opinion or emotions.

5) "Who the fuck is Dr Hak and what the hell does he know?" only shows that you aren't one of the people in the world who seeks the TRUTH. You seek information that agrees with your point of view instead of information that would force you to improve or change. Its 2010, let's get on this personal growth. No Fox News, pause.

6) Every single thing I write does not apply to EVERY single person out there. Come on, be serious. There are tons of great men and great women out there. Hell I'm with one right now. I don't generalize, I summarize. I'm talking to specific types of people at specific times.

When you read Real Talk, you need to do some introspection and see if what I'm saying applies to you in that particular case. Some women need (a lot) more help than others, some have the formula figured out. Usually, these are the women in long-term happy relationships. Strangely enough, these are the women who usually give me the most props. HMMMMMM.... If you are one of those single women who don't think they should be single, but also say dumb shit like "these men are intimidated by me" or have dumb rules like height and income requirements... your homegirls in happy relationships have told you a lot of the stuff I'm saying here and you don't listen to either of us... And you STILL complain. At some point, you decided the world was here to serve you and that some man out there was going to come through and do all these fabulous things for you without you having to EARN said treatment. You also probably decided you were an "8" or "9" when in fact, you may be a "6" on a good day. Or, you're a "9" in looks and a "3" in personality. Oh, it's true.

[That reminds me of a reallllly funny incident at a sushi bar one time, when I was consulting one of my fantastic homegirls who was having some men issues trying to see where her head was at. She's an "8" to be sure, but I had a feeling her esteem was a little low based on some evidence I had. So I asked her what she thought she was. I knew she'd say "6" and she did. Before I could continue, her fat, unattractive homegirl with gap teeth shouts out "UH UH, UH UH, THATS FUCKED UP YALL OVER HERE RATIN BITCHES"... She got told off. Hilarity ensued. Next time I saw her, she tried to be nice to me. "Please."]


7) Don't overdo it - I might need to make this a full entry, but when you read advice, here or elsewhere, you must be careful not to take it too far. Me saying "requiring a man to make $100,000" is stupid does not mean I think you should date a man who doesn't have his stuff together.

For the record - dismissing a guy by saying he's "short" is equivalent to a man dismissing a chick because "she ain't got no ass anyway". Nobody's perfect, not I and especially not you - so why demand perfection from others?

8) I can't save everyone - women who say they want one thing, but turn around and date a guy they aren't actually feeling for over a year because he liberally spends money on her... that's where the term "gold digger" comes from. I know a chick or two like that. I can't even write any more on that without it becoming a personal attack because its really sad and really whack. Men shouldn't use women, Women shouldn't use men. But you see it over and over. There are some differences, but its still userdom.

Men use women for sex. As in, if you were dating a girl, decided you don't want anything serious but she's still interested and willing to "perform"... the guy is likely to keep her around. Rarely will he tell her to step off as long as she's hooking him up with sex. That doesn't mean he'll change his mind and give her the relationship she seeks though. Thus, using. Even if he "told her straight up" he wasn't interested in a relationship. It's still using.

Women use men for material things more than sex (but sometimes sex too). A woman who isn't interested in a guy, might let him hang around if he does stuff for her - takes her out to eat, takes her on trips, buys her clothes. She'll say "oh I tried to tell him how I feel" but she didn't leave him alone - so she's a user. Happens all the time. All the while, this guy - one of the ones who actually is interested in a long term relationship, thus proving they exist - thinks he's making progress. But on the low, or even in his face, she's going around talking to ex's, giving out her number to new guys she finds more attractive, and then letting them get a chance to holla. That's not cool. Happens all the time though.

If you really want to be in a happy relationship, you have to end situations that aren't going to lead to one, even if you feel as if you're getting benefits (clothes, dinner, trips, "treatment", sex). You can't turn around and then say shit like "ain't no good men" out there or "all these men are intimidated" when you have a decent man trying to get in with you and you not feeling him but letting him put energy into you. That's how people get shot. Real Talk.